I never write here anymore but maybe I should.

I feel like a completely different person but also the same, my insecurities haven’t vanished but they’ve only increased over time, below the surface, only to come out and haunt me at the worst possible time with the best possible person?

I’m not sure. My last post here was about how in love I am. Foolishly, openly, transparently in love with someone I met a year ago and that was just months ago. I’ve become (and feel like) a parasite in my own body - a body I do love but can’t stop comparing to others’ bodies.

Why did I jump so quickly at the opportunity to love and be loved without examining the consequences? I don’t know what’s normal and what isn’t. I don’t really know what “healthy” looks like, all I know is how I feel and how things make me feel and react and I despise the person I become when that part of me is ignited.

“I want things to go back to the way they were” but I don’t, because beneath the surface it wasn’t what I had asked for. I think I have what I’d asked for now but I’m so sad and empty and depressed. No school. What could I possibly do to escape this? For good.

I’m in love, for the first time in my life I think. I know now that what I had before was not love, but conformity. I’m terrified that I found this, that I found you, but I’m so happy at the same time.

The strangest part is how quickly time goes by now. Not like before. Every moment spent together quickly becomes a memory and I don’t ever want those memories to fade.

I have a tendency of feelings things very strongly, I know, but I want to discover every aspect that is you and love it with my whole self

Where does your anxiety manifest? Mine, in my head and in my heart and in my stomach - I feel it all over and it comes out of nowhere and god damn it hurts. I think I’m broken.

hennkim:

| Too Young To Die | by Henn Kim

Go Get Art Print

You know those pictures of couples you used to reblog on tumblr when you were 18? You didn’t think any of it was real but it IS and he’s here and you’re so happy you were sad back in January and December and every other time before that because it brought you here

Oh my god

Like, we sit on the grass together and kiss and I feel like I don’t need to do anything else for the first of my life

6nose6bleed6:

“What is my purpose?”

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cerceos:

Masashi Wakui

(Source: virtualnihil)

What is Emotional Abuse?

onlinecounsellingcollege:

An emotionally abusive person may “dismiss your feelings and needs, expect you to perform humiliating or unpleasant tasks, manipulate you into feeling guilty for trivial things, belittle your outside support system or blame you for unfortunate circumstances in his or her life. Jealousy, possessiveness and mistrust characterize an emotionally abusive person”[1]. In summary, emotional abuse includes the following:

1. Acting as if a person has no value and worth; acting in ways that communicate that the person’s thoughts feelings and beliefs are stupid, don’t matter or should be ignored.

2. Calling the person names; putting them down; mocking, ridiculing, insulting or humiliating them, especially in public.

3. Controlling through fear and intimidation; coercing and terrorizing them; forcing them to witness violence or callousness; threatening to physically harm them, others they love, their animals or possessions; stalking them; threatening abandonment.

4. Isolating them from others, especially their friends and family; physically confining them; telling them how they should think, act, dress, what decisions they can make, who they can see and what they can do (limiting their freedom); controlling their financial affairs.

5. Using that person for your own advantage or gain; exploiting their rights; enticing or forcing another to behave in illegal ways (for example, selling drugs).

6. Stonewalling and ignoring another’s attempt to relate to and interact with them; deliberately emotionally detaching from a person in order to hurt them or “teach them a lesson”; refusing to communicate affection and warmth, or to meet their emotional and psychological needs.